Boy Oh Boy (posted Oct 2009)

I haven’t been avoiding the topic all together, but I haven’t been able to find the words to express how I feel. As you know, or maybe you don’t, we are having another boy. We found out about 4 weeks ago. If you scroll down to earlier blogs you can read about how sure I was that I was pregnant, which was true, and how sure I was that it was a girl, which is now not true. I was convinced beyond a shadow of a doubt that it was a girl for all the reasons mentioned in that post. I had nurseries designed. I actually had pink curtains hanging in the baby’s room. Seriously. When the sonographer said, ‘There it is!’ I couldn’t figure out what she was talking about. ‘There what is?’ that seems like something you would say if you saw a pe--, wait a minute, you are not talking about seeing a penis on my baby girl are you!??! My legs went numb, I think I blacked out. I have never been in a state of shock comparable to that. I vaguely remember the rest of the appointment and spent the next few days in a daze. What in the world was going to happen to me with another boy? The fact that I thought this seems strange, now. I mean, I already had a boy that I ADORED. Why would another one be so terrible? I could understand if he was a monster and I didn’t want another monster boy, but Wyatt is more than I could have ever dreamed and hoped for. I think that is what I was scared of, what if he wasn’t like Wyatt and I liked Wyatt better? I cannot be the only mom to have ever wondered this, maybe one of the few to admit it, but still. How could I ever love another little boy as much as Wyatt, was my fear. That fear drove me to want a little girl whom I could love equally but differently.


A month later, I am happy to say that I am excited to be having another boy. Though saying aloud, “I am the mother of two boys,” still blows my mind. I know the changes that another little boy will bring. The noise, the chaos, the fighting, but that is true when you add another child to the mix to make a family of four. I know Wyatt will be such a good big brother. Once he realizes what the ‘baby in my tummy’ actually means, he will be ecstatic. So here’s to starting the journey with another Murdock boy…. Now if we could just pick out a name!!